She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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