he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
