Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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