I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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