I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
