I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
