I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
