Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
