Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
