they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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