We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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