when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
