at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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