just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize