she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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