I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
