Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
