Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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