does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
