Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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