i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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