I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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