Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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