Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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