yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
