So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
