My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
