I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
