It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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