jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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