awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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