I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
