so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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