She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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