...so i touched it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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