xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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