Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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I don't deserve a penis
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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