yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
