I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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