Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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