I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
