Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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