I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
