I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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