This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
