Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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