My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
