and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
