He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
