what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
