Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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