What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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