Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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