using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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