i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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