Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
