New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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