You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
