....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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