This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
