So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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